The Russian Spy

The other day while watching Alien with the Commentary, I paid attention to Ridley Scott talking about the Russian Spy plot device. He says it's tedious and doesn't really add to the story. Not only do you have your real nemesis to fight, but you also have the plot complication of some guy on your crew who's not working for you but is impeding your plans. In Alien it was Android Ash. In The Hunt for Red October it was the cook.

I was reminded of Under Siege, a movie starring Tommy Lee Jones about a guy who makes his way aboard the USS Missouri disguised as a rock star entertaining the captain. With the aid of the commander, he takes over the ship and starts selling weapons to people in submarines.

This movie had its own Russian Spy plot complication: the cook. I thought that Steven Seagal's sub-plot of attempting to foil the piracy, mostly through his god looks and charm, is a distraction from the far more interesting main plot.


For the past few years I've been writing adventures of swashbuckling anthropomorphic wolf space cadets in space. I've developed characters, settings, and years of story lines. Many of the stories are posted on my FurAffinity account. I took some time from posting the Space Cadets stories to work on a coming-of-age novel, which I hope to sell via Amazon. That needs some more love, especially because I just taught a painful lesson to the young woof. But he'll persevere. He's a hero.


We’ve been hearing the complaints from inmates and guards for years, and
finally the owners of Black Gazza have decided to do something about it.

• Inmates hate the collars.
• Inmates hate the scratchy and unfashionable uniforms.
• Inmates hate nutrapaste.
• Inmates especially hate the striped tattooing.

• Guards hate having to wear just black.
• Guards want more armor.
• Guards hate it when the HUD shocks them.

• Everyone hates the cells.
• Everyone hates power failures.
• Everyone hates the AI.
• Everyone hates lockdown.

• Everybody loves ferals!

So we will be revamping Black Gazza in a whole new style:
Lormyr Ponio and Timberhoof Lupony bring you: BG/MLP Crossover!

For inmates:
• bridles of soft, colorful leather
• only the best wool saddle blankets
• Cutie Marks of their mode of execution
• And only the best hay

For Guards:
• Stylish black saddles
• Stylish colorful capes
• Cutie Marks of the Guard Badge
• No more shocky HUDs.

For everyone
• Feral Pony Avatars
• Stylish Space Stables
• Good old dependable, reliable muscle power
• The unifying force of Love keeps everyone happy
• We’ll love and tolerate the shit out of you!

— Timberhoof Lupony

Bondage in second life

I haven't written lanything here in a long time. Lately I've been involved in various bondage schemes in Second Life. I wonder if people are interested in my experiences. Well, of course you are ... If I make it interesting!

Here's an outline of what I will cover: Restrictive experience systems in second life

Open Collar - mild, moderate, severe RLV restrictions. Unlimited avatar choice.
bane - helmet, severe RLV restrictions. "Slave, prisoner"
Md pod prison - helmet, serious RLV restrictions, confinement. "Prisoner"
tk ISO suit - severe RLV restrictions, punishments. Limited avatar. "Fucktoy"
CAII - moderate RLV restrictions, unlimited avatar choice. "Public Slave"
ACS - moderate RLV restrictions, limited avatar. "Robot"
Concordance - severe RLV restrictions, unlimited avatar. "Hive mind"
Taep - moderate RLV restrictions, limited avatar. "Alien cyborg"
Plastic army - moderate RLV restrictions, limited avatar. "Plastic army toy"
... And any more experiences in the same vein I discover.

BLFC's Guidebook

Guidebook requires ios 7, so it won't work on my iPod. So fuck you.
The BLFC web page has a guidebook app thing that sort of lets me look at the schedule, but every time I delve into a schedule item I'm fucked because I can't go back up and look at the other thing near it. They've taken the interactive power of a web page and hobbled it with the limited UI of an iPod. So fuck you.
I tried going to the Guidebook web page to submit a problem report or feedback, but all I could find was a fucking video about how to retrieve feedback from users of the app. There was no way for me to tell the Guidebook developers how badly their application sucks because it won't work on my iPod, the web interface is sucky, and there's no way to give them feedback about bow badly it sucks. So fuck you.

I really hope BLFC has a printed version of the schedule.

Professionally, I'm a software quality assurance engineer. I use computers all day at work. I understand principles of UI design and I write software that tests other software. If I con't figure out a web application, there's something wrong with the web application. BLFC is supposed to be for entertainment; using a schedule is supposed to be as easy as looking up things in a chart. I'm not paid to do this; this is for entertainment. I really don't need the bullshit of a clever-clever web application that looks like a tablet application that I can't run on my iPod, and wouldn't want to anyway even if I could because it sucks so badly. Come on, people. Computers are supposed to make things easier, not harder. Or did you miss that in your classes? (And no, I don't want to watch a fucking video on how to submit feedback. Why do I need to watch a video on how to type text into a text field and click the Submit button? Oh … you've made the process so complicated that it requires a five-minute video tutorial. Right. You're a bunch of idiots. So fuck you.)

For my NaNoWriMo friends in SL

Rez your favorite stasis chamber and put this script in it. Turn on RLV, wear your relay, and set it to some inescapable serious mode.
// Personalized ForceSitter
// Description:
// For anyone in SL who's participating in NaNoWriMo. 
// During the month of November, it senses for you and traps you. 
// You can log out and log back in, and it will trap you again. 
// Author:
// Timberwoof Lupindo; Black Gazza Prison; November 2, 2014
// To deploy: 
// Make a new script and copy all of this to it. 
// Name the script Personalized ForceSitter. 
// Copy the script into your favorite easy chair, psychiatric couch, stasis tube, etc. 
// Attach an RLV relay and set it to suitably difficult-to-escape settings. 
// Turn RLV on in your Second Life viewer. Approach your object. 
// Sit down and write! 
// Safeword: 
// Turn off RLV in your viewer and relog. 
// License: 
// Free to use, copy, modify, learn from.
// No guarantees are made. Don't blame me if this messes you up. 
// The original version is published, so dangerous variations can't be blamed on me. 

key targetPrim;
key targetAvatar;
integer RLVchan = -1812221819; //RLV Relay channel. do NOT change!

relay(string cmd_name, key user_uuid, string command) 
    // Send command to relay.
    llRegionSayTo(user_uuid, RLVchan, cmd_name+","+(string)user_uuid+","+command);
    if (llSubStringIndex(llGetTimestamp(),"-11-") > -1)   
        // During November, force-sit, lock, prevent editing.
        // You can add more RLV commands here if you want to. 
        relay("sit", targetAvatar, "@sit:"+(string)targetPrim+"=force" );
        relay("sitlock", targetAvatar, "@unsit=n");
        relay("edit", targetAvatar, "@edit=n");
        // I'm pretty sure this will let you go.
        relay("sitlock", targetAvatar, "@unsit=y");
        relay("edit", targetAvatar, "@edit=y");

        // The script initializes. 
        // Get your UUID and the uuid of the object the script is in. 
        // Search for you.  
        targetPrim = llGetLinkKey(1);
        targetAvatar = llGetOwner();
        llSensorRepeat("", targetAvatar, AGENT, 10, PI_BY_TWO, 10);

    sensor(integer num_detected)
        // You've been detected. 
        // Forces you to sit, stops the detector, and starts the event timer. 
        // Presumably you're sitting on the object. 
        // Periodically verify that you are still sitting on the object. 
        if (llAvatarOnSitTarget() == targetAvatar)
            // You're still sitting on the object. 
            // We don't need the sensor, so remove it. 
            // Where are you? Did you log off? 
            // We'll keep the light on for you. 
            llSensorRepeat("", targetAvatar, AGENT, 10, PI_BY_TWO, 10);